My life as a school bullying survivor
by rosehill
Summary: Linda tells us what happened to her after the events in "Blubber".
1. Drawing

Disclaimer: This book doesn't belong to me and I don't make money with this fic. No copyright infringement intended

 _My life as a school bullying survivor_

She gives me that letter on the last school day and then she leaves without a word. I open it in fear. I expect insults or rude words or maybe whale pictures with the caption "your mom and dad". I just find this:

 _Dear Linda,_

 _I'm sorry. I knew you were bullied and I didn't help. I should have done something. I guess I was too afraid to act. You didn't deserve it._

 _I hope everyone will be nice with you next year._

 _Best wishes_

 _Rochelle_

That was the last thing I expected. Apologies? Rochelle wasn't even one of my bullies! But I guess only decent people apologize from time to time. Monsters like Wendy never say they're sorry about anything.

I go back home, I cry and I binge-eat chocolate. Then I feel terribly guilty about it. I always feel bad after eating junk food. Eating is the only thing that comforts me but then I look at a mirror, I see how fat and ugly I look and I remember that no one will ever love me if I don't lose weight. It's so unfair that skeleton girls like Jill can eat everything they want and still remain skinny and beautiful! I hate her so much!

I hide in my room and I cry again and again…

* * *

My mom told me she wants me to take drawing lessons during summer. She says I'm good and I should meet new people. Ok, I like drawing but I don't want to leave my room, ever! They'll make fun of me again.

She suggests to try just once so I'm following her reluctantly. I guess I'll say the teacher is horrible or something so I won't have to come back. No surprise, I'm the only fat child here. I want to leave and…

"Hey! Linda!"

I can't believe it. It's Kenny, Jill's adorable little brother! He was one of the few people who were nice with me this year. I can't believe he's here.

"Nice to see you", I say. "I didn't know you were into drawing."

"I'm not. I just heard that the teacher tells interesting stuff about the history of art. Did you know Mona Lisa is the most famous painting in the world?"

Of course I do. We sit down and we start talking. Kenny is the most interesting boy I have ever met. He's smart, witty, funny, kind and loveable. I can't believe someone like Jill has such an amazing little brother.

Then the teacher comes in, gives us paint and paper and tells us about Vincent Van Gogh. I have a lot of fun this afternoon and when my mom comes and picks me up, I feel incredibly calm. I'm not even hungry.

"Can I come back for the next lesson?" I ask. "I just... I met someone nice."

* * *

So my summer went smoothly. I went to the drawing lessons whenever I could. Of course sometimes I still hide to cry. I avoid looking at mirrors most of the time. I still hate what I see. I feel fat and ugly.

One day, the drawing teacher shows us paintings from the 16th century. The women on the drawings are huge. There's a long silence, and then a girl asks:

"Why are they all fat?"

"Because at that time, all the beautiful women were supposed to have this kind of body", the teacher said. "Now..."

"But why don't they go on a diet? My dad says only lazy people are fat!"

I feel like crying. Suddenly I remember how everyone made fun of me. Blubber, fat, ugly whale... I hide my face in my hands while people around are talking loudly. Then that nasty girl says:

"Anyway, look at Linda!"

"Well", Kenny says, "Linda is beautiful inside and out. And people who starve themselves to lose weight have more health problems than overweight people. I read that book..."

He carries on telling about his books but I don't listen. I felt good again. There's someone on Earth who believes I am beautiful.

* * *

At the end of the summer, the teacher tells me I have potential as an artist. She says I'm a natural at drawing and painting. So I decide to become a painter or a children's books illustrator. I still have nightmares about people undressing me in the girls' bathroom and I still dislike my body but now I have an outlet. One day I'll be the greatest artist ever, everyone will admire my art and all those nasty kids will feel sorry for what they did to me.

 _To be continued…_


	2. Thanatos

_Thanatos_

I'm 22 and looking for a job. I keep walking from place to place and showing everyone my drawings. No one is interested. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have studied something more serious like accountancy. I feel like I'm a failure: Kenny is the only person who remained my friend throughout the years, I still live at my mom's home, I'm still fat and the only boyfriend I ever had dumped me last year. Also, sometimes I remember the bullying and I have to hide to cry. My shrink says it's ok to cry from time to time, all the more so since I'm a highly sensitive person with PTSD and social anxiety but never mind. I'm still a failure.

I wish I could make a living out of drawing. I'm fat, shy, insecure and fearful but whenever I draw, I feel strong and powerful. I suddenly enter another world and I become a queen. It never lasts but I really, really enjoy it.

It's pouring rain now. I push the door of the first shop I see. I'll wait for the rain to stop here.

"Can I help you?"

I freeze in fear. The most scary-looking man I have ever seen is standing in front of me. He's in his mid-forties, six feet and three inches tall, all muscles, with skulls, snakes and daggers tattooed all over his arms. He's going to kill me.

"If you want a tattoo, you're at the right place", he says. "Would you like to have a look at our catalogue?"

He gestures at a seat. I'm too afraid to run so I nod and sit down. My parents both hate tattoos. They say they ruin your body. Well, mine is already ruined anyway.

However, I like this catalogue. The drawings are great. The big, scary man sits down next to me and asks:

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"What? No, thanks!"

"Even if you don't get a tattoo, please stay here until the rain is over."

Then I notice his eyes, blue and sparkling like a child's. He smiles and gets up. I can't believe it. The nastiest people I have ever met were cute eleven-year-old girls and this huge, intimidating-looking man is so kind he makes my heart melt. Never judge a book by its cover.

"I like this one", I say. "The wolf."

"Do you? My assistant Panther is great at tattooing animals."

"I'd like a whale tattooed on my arm. Can you do that now?"

I don't know why I'm asking that. Maybe I just want a good reason to hate my body. He comes to sit down next to me again and shakes his head.

"I can", he said, "but I won't. You don't look ready. Do you already have other tattoos?"

"No. Why?"

"Then I won't do that today. I think you'd better think about it for a while. A tattoo is forever, you know? It's like a friend and you need to choose your friends carefully."

"Yeah", I said.

"My name's Thanatos, by the way."

"Linda."

I look at the catalogue again and then I say I have to leave. He shakes my hand and he tells me to come back whenever I want. I feel better. Meeting nice people always makes me feel good, even though I always have the feeling they act nice with the wrong person.

* * *

Back at home, I sit down and I wonder when I'm going to get a job at last. I envy Thanatos. He seems to love his job so much! Then my mother says there's a phone call for me. I rush to answer.

"Hello, Linda Fisher?"

"Yes?"

"It's Thanatos. The tattoo artist, remember? You forgot your bag at my place so I had a look and I found your phone number."

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Never mind. You can come and have it back whenever you want."

I forget stuff everywhere. I'm _really_ a failure.

* * *

I come back the day after. A young black man with dreadlocks, piercings and tattoos gets up and smiles.

"Can I help you?" he asks.

"Well, I forgot my bag yesterday and… well…"

"You must be Linda!" he says. "Nice to meet you. Thanatos is working just now, he'll be back in a few minutes. Would you like to have a look at the catalogue?"

I guess they must say that to every person who enters their parlor. I nod. He shows me some of his drawings and I tell him I'm an artist too. I wonder if Panther is his real name. Then Thanatos appears with a man whose right arm is wrapped in plastic. The client leaves and Thanatos turns to me.

"Nice to see you again, Linda! I'd like to apologize. I had a look in your bag and I saw your drawings. You're good."

"Thanks", I say.

"I was wondering if you were currently employed somewhere."

"No. Why?"

This gentle giant gestures at the catalogues.

"You know, there are more and more women who want a tattoo. The thing is, a lot of them don't want skulls or bones. Tattooing girly stuff is not my cup of tea, and it's not Panther's, either. I saw you're good with flowers and butterflies. You see what I mean?"

He wants me to work for him?! That's impossible! I tried to think of something to say. Eventually, I manage to stutter:

"I… I don't know how to use a tattoo machine."

"Never mind, everyone learns. We can teach you everything."

"When I started with Thanatos, he gave me a trial period", Panther says. "After two months, he asked me if I enjoyed myself. I did, so I carried on with him."

"But… but my mother's going to kill me!"

Thanatos looks disappointed. I feel horrible. I didn't want to hurt him but I don't want to hurt my mother by doing something she hates either.

"I have to go", I say.

"OK, Linda", Thanatos says. "Here's my phone number. Call me if you change your mind."

* * *

I leave. I start running. Then I realize why I don't want to become a tattoo artists. Tattoos are forever. I'll never forgive myself if I ruin someone's body.

Then I realize that somehow I like the idea of making tattoos. It looks interesting and I would draw. I think about it a lot. Eventually, I phone Kenny and I tell him everything. He looks interested.

"Hey, Linda, did you know the first electric tattoo machine was made in New York City?"

"Thanks but… Kenny, what should I do?"

He remains silent for a moment.

"Maybe you should work for him for a couple of months, so you'll know if you like it."

He's right. I shouldn't be upset. Maybe it's a bad idea but sometimes you need to take risks.

I phone Thanatos the day after and I tell him I accept.

* * *

I've been working with Thanatos and Panther for two months now. I like it. My first real tattoo was a small dagger on my boss's arm. I was nervous but he told me I was doing OK. I have a job now. I feel I'm worthwhile. So I tell my boss I want to carry on working with him.

"That's great!" he says. "You know, tattoo artists often have nicknames. I'm Thanatos, the Greek god of death, because skulls are what I do the best. Panther is Panther because he's great with big cats. What about you? You're good with flowers so what about Rose or Flora, maybe?"

"Anything but Blubber."

They both frown.

"Why would we call you blubber?" Panther asks, puzzled.

Then I tell them everything: the insults, the punches, how they undressed me in the bathroom, how I hid on Halloween's night so they wouldn't undress me on the street, how they still thrashed my garden, how they made me eat an ant, the trial, how I was afraid to go to school every day… Thanatos and Panther listen in silence. I expect questions. I practically never tell people I was bullied because they always ask why I didn't punch back or why I didn't tell the teacher. I hate to have to explain that I was too broken to ask for help. One day, someone even asked me why I didn't go on a diet. I did, it didn't work and it made me loathe my body. I'm on the verge of tears when I stop talking.

"Would you like some tea?" Panther eventually asks.

He sounds sorry. No one is blaming me. Thanatos looks like he's about to punch something.

"What was the ringleader's name again?" he asks.

"Wendy Blume, why?"

"Because if that Wendy ever enters my place, I'll tell her to go fuck herself! No one should do that!"

Panther nods. I feel much better now.

"They still something I don't understand", Panther says. "Why the trial?"

"I don't know. They kept saying something about Jill and her Chinese friend putting rotten eggs in a letterbox. I didn't tell them to do that, I swear!"

"Well", Panther says, "you need a better name. What about Persephone?"

"Is it a flower's name?"

"No, she was the Greek goddess of spring. She had been abducted into hell but she came back and she could make flowers grow. What do you think?"

I like it. From now on, my name's Persephone.

 _To be continued…_


	3. Memories

_Memories_

I'm 24 now. I just came back home and my phone is ringing. It's Kenny. He sounds worried.

"Hello Linda? I know I'm being rude but can I come and sleep at your place tonight?"

Of course he can. I have my own car and my own apartment now. I even adopted a German shepherd, Chief. Sometimes Kenny and I still hang out together and have fun.

He's knocking at my door now. He's still cute, in a geeky kind of way. We hug and I ask him if there's anything wrong. He shrugs.

"Remember when I told you I'm ready to tell my mom and dad I'm gay? Well, _they_ were not ready."

"WHAT?!"

"It could have been worse, really. My dad said it was just a phase and my mom said I just haven't met the right girl yet. And then she started crying."

I try to comfort him. I tell him it's not his fault and they'll accept him eventually. We hug and I suggest making popcorn and watching TV. Then someone knocks at the door. I look through the peephole. It's Jill.

"Your sister", I say.

"It's ok. Can she come in, please? She was actually quite supportive."

I let her enter reluctantly. Kenny may love his sister, I still don't trust her. We never talked much since we were eleven. They start talking about their parents and I pretend to play with Chief. I hope she will go away soon.

"Can I stay here for the night?" she asks.

"NO!"

The neighbors must have heard me but I don't care. How can she pretend that we are friends? Doesn't she remember what she did to me?"

"DON'T SHOUT!" she says.

"Hey girls!" Kenny says. "Jill's my sister and Linda's my best friend. I love you both so please, don't kill each other in front of me. Do that in the parking lot if you want!"

I laugh nervously. Jill nods and grabs her bag.

"I'm leaving!" she says. "Good night, Kenny. Have fun with Lady Bad Mood!"

So I'm _lady bad mood_ now?! She's the girl who likes nothing except stamps and peanut butter!

"Bye", I say.

She leaves and I follow her outside. Deep down I know I'm resentful, I know I should forgive and forget but I can't.

"Don't ever come here again!" I say.

"Linda, he's my brother!"

"And this is _my_ place. I make the rules."

"Do you realize he's going to leave in a homophobic world forever? He's going to be punishing for something he never chose! He needs me!"

"OF COURSE I know how it feels when you're blamed for something you never chose!" I shout. "You make me feel I was a piece of shit, REMEMBER?"

The worse thing is, as a kid I believed I had started it. I was a lonely child and I believed that children would befriend someone with a sense of humor so I made a report on whales. I wanted to look like one of those happy, strong, confident girls who make fun of their own weigh and are loved by everyone. They didn't understand it was a call for help and they broke my soul.

Jill freezes. She's still skinny and she looks like the wind could blow her away. There's a look I never saw before on her face. She looks sad.

"You were no little angel either, remember?" she asks. "You bullied me too!"

Of course I remember. After the non-trial, Wendy told me to choose. Either I became her friend, she protected me and I helped her harass Jill, or she stripped me naked in front of everyone and made me dance in the middle of the playground with the word "blubber" written all over. I chose to become the bully. I was afraid of Wendy, lonely, broken, dead inside and, let's be honest, I wanted at least one person to know how it feels when everyone is against you.

"Wendy threatened me", I said.

"So it's a Wendy thing?"

"Jill, it was _always_ a Wendy thing. Remember: she told you to thrash my garden on Halloween's night and you did it without thinking. Anyway, I don't like you and you don't like me either so there's no point in you staying. Now, go away."

She looks away. Now she looks embarrassed, I don't know why.

"She didn't…"

"What?"

"Well… She… Anyway, Kenny likes you", she says. "You're his friend. I… well, I was never the perfect sister but I like him anyway. Well, he needs a friend now. He needs you."

"What?!"

"It wasn't right. I wouldn't do that again. I mean, if we were eleven again I wouldn't do that. It wasn't..."

Is she trying to apologize?! I can't believe my ears! Why now? Does she really feel sorry or is she trying to coax me so I'll be nice with her little brother?"

Then I decide that it doesn't matter. I'll never be fond of Jill but at least I can stand her now.

"I'll help Kenny as much as I can", I say.

"Thanks."

She smiles awkwardly, turns around and runs away. I don't even have time to say that I wish I hadn't bullied her either. Why did I hate her more than Donna and Caroline? Because she has the kind of body I always envied?

Then I remember the people I meet at the parlor every day. Most of them are insecure about their looks. I even met a skeletal model who said she wasn't slim enough and she felt fat and ugly. I guess the grass is always greener elsewhere.

I have to go back home now. I need to cheer up Kenny. My dearest friend.

 _To be continued…_


	4. Poetic Justice

_Poetic Justice_

I'm 32 now. Panther started his own tattoo parlor a few years ago and I still work with Thanatos. We moved together to another place and I'm more his friend than his student now. I love my life.

I don't shun mirrors anymore. I'm still larger than average, I guess it's in my genes but I enjoy running now and I gained some nice muscles. I also had my bad tooth treated, dyed my hair dark blue and wear gothic makeup. The fearful, insecure little girl is gone now. I look like a warrior.

I still phone Kenny from time to time. He works in a publishing house and he's in a relationship with a great man. I have a boyfriend too. We met at a support group for people who used to be bullied at school. Michael is wonderful. He's a child psychologist and he helps kids cope with bullying. I love him so much.

I love my job. I like it when people tell me how they feel and why they want a tattoo. One day a woman came in and told me she beat cancer three years before yet she still had ugly scars on her back. She said she wanted me to transform the scars into something beautiful. I suggested butterflies because they transform, learn how to fly and are beautiful and free. She liked the idea so I covered her back with blue butterflies. Six months later, she came back and told me she felt she was born again, thanks to me.

A journalist even wrote a paper on me. I'm a healer. I make people feel better about how they look. When I was eleven, everyone told me I was ugly and worthless. Now I make a living by making people feel good and beautiful. That's the best revenge ever. Of course there are still people who tell me that women shouldn't make tattoos or that I ruin people's bodies but I don't care anymore.

Thanatos went on a lunch break. I'm alone in the parlor and a woman enters and sees me.

"You must be Persephone!" she says. "I need a tattoo now. I'm going to marry Senator Heff."

"I'm sorry?"

"I read the article in ' _Awesome People_ '. You're the best tattoo artist in town and I need something from you."

"Well, let's make an appointment", I say.

"What about now? You don't seem busy."

Actually, I'm drawing something for a client. Her abusive ex had his face tattooed onto her leg and she needs me to cover it with something else. I'm always busy.

"Could you please phone me later?"

"I'll do that", she says.

She sits down and flips through my catalogue. The weird thing is, I have the feeling I've already met her. But where?

"What do you think would look good on me?" she asks.

I often get this question and I'm sick and tired of it. If you don't have a faintest idea about it, don't get a tattoo.

"Tattoos have to be meaningful", I say. "They need to match your true self, your true soul. I had huge problems as a child and I was very unhappy but I recovered so I got this."

I show her the word SURVIVOR on my left arm. She frowns.

"So, your dad was a pedophile?" she asks.

"No but I was bullied at school."

"Then you didn't have a bad childhood. There's not such a thing as bullying."

"What?!"

"Some kids rule and some other kids are too weak to stand up for themselves, that's all."

I clench my fist. I HATE it when people say that!

"Some kids commit suicide because of school bullying", I say. "I met the right people and I recovered. Other kids are not that lucky."

"Lucky? They just want attention! When I was in high school, there was that girl who swallowed pills and woke up at the hospital. No big deal."

"What?! What girl?"

"Ashley, I think. She would always cry like a fountain when I said she was into girls."

"What?! That's homophobia!"

"Hey! I didn't come here to get a guilt trip!"

So I am the one to blame now?! I'm speechless.

"I played a lot with a fat girl in primary school", she says happily. "Everyone obeyed me. I was the queen. It was so funny to make her cry!"

Then she starts singing the blubber song and I know. _It's Wendy_. She cut her hair short and probably had a nose job but it's still Wendy Blume and unlike Jill, she didn't grow into someone less annoying. My heart is beating faster and I feel I'm about to cry. I hate having PTSD!

Then I remember I'm grown-up and strong now. I'll just tell her to leave, that's all.

"You'll have to wait three months for the next appointment!" I say.

"But I need this tattoo now! I can pay you three times the normal price."

This is tempting. Every year I give money to charities that fight school bullying. Using her money to help bullied kids would be poetic justice.

"I can do that now", I say. "Did you make your choice?"

"Yes. I want ' _I'm the best'_ on the back of my neck. In big letters. That's so me!"

It's funny how I love writing self-love words on insecure people's skins and how I hate doing the same thing on arrogant brats.

"If it's your first tattoo, maybe you should choose something smaller", I suggest. "The pain…"

"Only wimps are bothered by pain! I want a big one."

I give up, I let her choose the font and I tell her to sign the check. She lies down and I grab my stuff. I managed to tattoo one letter. And another one. And another one...

I need to stop and calm down. I work better if I like the person I tattoo, or at least if I have neutral feelings about him or her. Maybe I can find some good in her.

"You must love your to-be husband", I say randomly.

"Yeah. He's a senator. And he's so rich! Did you see the ring?"

She waves her hand at me. I don't care. I love Michael because he's the most wonderful and altruistic person who ever lived, not because of his bank account. Is that woman irredeemable?

"I wish you could come to my wedding", she says, "but I only want good-looking people to attend…"

I cannot stand it any more. I have to give her what she really deserves.

* * *

I tell her she can look and I give her a small mirror. She runs to the big mirror at the back of the room. She freezes. Her mouth opens but there's no sound coming out of it. The arrogant brat Wendy looks like she's about to break down.

"You made a mistake", she eventually says. "I wanted 'I'm the best', not 'I'm the bitch'."

"No, I made no mistake. You said 'I'm the bitch', I heard."

"Well, you need to fix it now."

"Tattoos cannot be fixed like that. You wanted a tattoo, I gave you a tattoo."

"But… I'm going to marry a senator and my dress is low-cut in the back! I cut my hair short so everyone would see my tattoo!"

"What are you complaining about? You wanted something that matches your personality!"

She glares at me. Then Thanatos enters the room and sees us. Wendy runs at him.

"You need to fire your employee!" she said. "She ruined my skin!"

"She's my work partner, not my employee", he says. "What happened?"

"She's just jealous because I'm going to marry the man she loves so she gave me this shitty tattoo!"

I burst into laughter. Michael is the only man I am in love with and Thanatos knows it. He frowns and gestures her to sit down.

"I've met Persephone's boyfriend", he says. "He didn't tell me he was going to marry you. "

"Wendy is obviously not telling the truth", I say.

" _Wendy_?!"

He stares at me. I nod and he tells her to show him her neck. Suddenly, I feel bad. Thanatos helped me recover from my trauma. He always told me I should never, ever ruin a tattoo on purpose. What if he got problems because of me?

"You made a great job", he eventually says. "The font is perfect, the lines are neat. There's nothing wrong with this one!"

"But I'm going to get married soon!" Wendy cries. "Everyone will be staring at my back!"

"Wear a turtleneck", I suggest.

"What?! That woman hates me!"

"Watch your language, young lady", Thanatos says. "Persephone is like a daughter to me!"

"I'll tell everyone she's the worst tattoo artist ever!"

"And no one will believe you because it's not true. Now, calm down."

She seems to be about to punch him but she doesn't, of course. No one dares punching a giant man who seems to be entirely made of muscles. She lets him wrap her neck in plastic while muttering something about her lawyer. Then she leaves.

Thanatos sighs and sits down.

"I need a coffee now. Sweetheart, that was the most unprofessional thing you ever did. Don't do that again. Ever!"

I nod. Now I feel a bit guilty. I know Wendy truly deserved it, I know I may have avenged Ashley and all the people she has been bullying but what does that make me? Am I as bad as she is? And is Thanatos going to be punished for something I did?

"She may sue us", I say. "I'm sorry."

"Honestly? You have such a great reputation that no one would believe her. But what happened, sweetheart? What did she do to you?"

"She was... well, she was asking for it", I say. "She was a nasty kid and now she's worse. She said weak people deserve to suffer and bullying was fun... Than, I know it was not nice from me but…"

I'm on the verge of tears again. He sighs, gets up and makes some coffee.

"Did she pay you?" he asks.

"Yeah. I want to donate that money."

"Let me guess. One half for _'Big People Matter'_ and one half for _'Let's kick bullying'_ , right?"

"Yeah!" I laugh. "Also, some for ' _LGBT solidarity'_."

He remains silent for a moment.

"You know, sweetheart, you shouldn't mind about that Wendy. You have a heart and she doesn't. That's why she'll never be the half of you."

I wipe a tear. I'm so lucky I have friends like him.

 _The end!_


End file.
